'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
