You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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