just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
