can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
