I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
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Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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