I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
