i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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