Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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