I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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