You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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