NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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