Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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