The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
