wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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