haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
