Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
