I met the friendliest cop last night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize