I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
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Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize