dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
