Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
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I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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