Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
