I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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