Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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