I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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