My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
