i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
