Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
