If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
