I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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