Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
