Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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