I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
