I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize