we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
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The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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