My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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