We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why do cheetos always look like penises
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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