omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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