I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
