My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
