I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
