can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
