I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
