The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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