Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
