i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
