Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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