I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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