he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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