Ambien. No doubt about it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
