I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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