covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
