just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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