My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
