Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I need help removing her.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
