he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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