Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
