I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize