I met the friendliest cop last night
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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