I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
