Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
