Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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