Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
