My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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