Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
