rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
