If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
