This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
