I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I need to stop coming to work sober
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
