i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
