After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If its not for food we ain't going out.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
