barbara walters just said penis...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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