never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
