I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
