I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious