so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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