I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
40s are totally the cure
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
