Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
