he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
