this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
