I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
