i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
