yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
